A letter to Xiao Ke:

When I fell in love with your smile, the world was so beautiful. But when we were together, you didn't feel safe at all. This was my fault. I will not pretend it wasn't true, I will not pretend. Yes, I did not properly handle with my Ex. When my ex contacted me, I didn't reject it without thoughts. But I want to give you all I can give through my own efforts, and hope it forgives me for being unprofessional. I gave you my bank card and did my best to send a gift. But I'm afraid that my ex contacting you caused you to be weary. I gave you all the passwords to my accounts.

In addition, I'm sorry for not thinking of what I did. Even so, I still appreciate the trust you gave me when we first broke up. But what was it that caused this misunderstanding? The jetlag or our thoughts of love? Or was it me being stressed out? You have always thought that the bond we shared was destiny, but you misunderstood. How could I still want to contact other girls if that were the case? Even if you didn't trust me, you should've trusted yourself and understand how important you are to me.

Since i've joined OWL, the 13 hours of training every day has mentally and physically drained me. The pressure of the public made me want to prove myself so much. It caused me to feel overstressed and I couldn't handle my feelings. At first, we were happy talking with each other. But an hour would pass, and before we knew it we stopped talking. I don't know if it was your work that was making you stressed out but I can't help you because this competition is too much to vent at you.

After 12 hours of training, I head back to the housing until you would wake up and send me a letter. I wanted to talk. I waited everyday until you suddenly left me. You wouldn't pick up the phone, QQ couldn't reach you, WeChat was blocked, and you just didn't return my messages. I was so anxious that I couldn't hold it in and wanted to just hurry to your side and find you. I asked your friends and they've told me you were playing Werewolf Hunting for two days. Two days when you stopped contacting me. I got your breakup message and I just could not accept your reason: You were engaged. You were getting married.

But I still understand. I want to give you a life of freedom. I want to give you a life that's unforgettable. I want to give you a life of happiness. But I didn't had the chance. Since I came to the US, you found someone without me. Someone who is as good as you are. I don't have to be worried about talking with my EX. I wanted to get married by 25 and take you to Maldives this year. I thought about it, and I didn't had the chance.

The pressure of this game, the pressure of the public, the pressure of my emotions, it crushed me. A week later, I begin to get lost under that pressure. It was this moment that any mistake I made could ruin my life. That's when I resorted to my ex. I know how angry you are and I understand your madness about your betrayal.

After you calmed down, I won't ask for forgiveness but I hope you will return to me. I love you, Xiao Ke. I didn't make you feel safe, and I apologize Xiao Ke. I'm sorry Xiao Ke that I can't be the one to give you a happy life. I'm sorry Xiao Ke that you were distraught about my daily contacts with my ex and made you live a life of exhaustion. I'm sorry but I wish you a future of bliss.

Chao Fang.